Harassment is a big word. It comes in many forms and many people have experienced it. While some have the courage to report harassment, I do think most of the people choose to keep mum about it. This would be the first time that I am going share my personal experiences.
In my second entry, I mentioned that I was harassed by my grandmother who kept telling me that I was adopted. I knew it all along but somehow I was in denial for a long time. However, I do not think I should have been harassed with the truth at a very young age. I was a child, at least five or six years old and all I ever thought about was play and that I love my parents. That has impacted me in irreparable ways. I have always hated my Lola and I never really got to feel how a grandmother loves a grandchild. I used to hear it was lavishing, so I kind of never got to forgive her, until she passed away last year. I felt sad, but now, I do not miss her as much as my cousins miss her. I have felt a lot of resentment towards her, though I know time will probably heal how I feel and I hope to forgive her fully in the next coming years.
The next I experienced was from a former boyfriend. I was 15, I was naïve and I am not going to try and justify that I was young but I allowed him to abuse me in so many ways. I got robbed so many times and I just kept giving him more money. One time he lost his phone and I had two phones. So I gave one to him, which he also lost so I gave him the other one, which he lost again. I was so stupid, I know. I knew at the back of my mind that he probably sold it or he used to bet for a stupid game. He also hurt me a lot of times. Back then, I would have bruises on my arms, and my face would be red because of slaps that I thought I deserved. What is even sadder is that I never really told anyone about what was happening until I ended our relationship. I never told my Mama who would always welcome him at home and even financially assisted him in his studies. I never told anyone until it was all over. It took me two and a half years to come into my senses. I never saw him again. I never want to. I got a social media invite from him around three years ago and I just ignored it. I never want to do anything with him ever again.
Next is sexual harassment that I never expected because he was a cousin. Someone I trusted. It happened only a month after I broke up with my abusive relationship and I went to visit an Aunt. He asked me to add him in Friendster, so I used his laptop to input my credentials. All of a sudden, he was at my back, and started hugging me from behind. It would seem sweet at first, but I was all grown up. I was seventeen, turning eighteen. I had all the physical aspects that could arouse men. He hugged me and his right hand had almost wandered below my abdomen and the other was almost at my chest. I was scared and I freezer where I was standing. My dog was my savior as he ran out of the room so I was able to break away giving reasoning out that I had to chase my dog. I told my Mama about it when I was already working and during my wedding, my Mama told me not to go near him, (I had to invite my Aunt and the whole family), good thing though he never came.
These three impacted me the most. I had anorexia and bulimia and I don’t actually remember when I started to recover. Until now, I still experience harassment; in my work, during our vacations when I walk alone in the streets, in my commute at night or even when I walk in the mall. I try to speak out when I feel sexually and/or emotionally harassed these days. I tend to point at the person so that he would stop. Some say it is what you wear, but that is not true! I wear shirt and pants but I still get cat calls. It is so big of an issue but actually so few are ready to talk about it.