With all the disasters and phenomena that we encounter, earthquakes, tsunami, landslides and other calamities I can only think of death. I have talked about life in my previous post. We cherish it while we are living it and that is the beauty of life. And then I think of death. It was in college that I first thought deeply about death. It is easy to say that you live and then you die, and that is just how life is. I do not remember what happened back then but I started crying. Now every time I think about death, I get so afraid and I tend to break down and feel weak.

How does it feel to die? Obviously no one knows. There is no living person to tell us how it feels to die. Some people say they died but they were able to get out of that limbo and live again, the near-death-experience as they call it. But why do they call it near-death if they already died? So if death is only physical, then where does your soul go? Wait. I know the answer to that: faith and religion. But I think about those people without religion. I do not know how they think and how they feel.

Once I die, I will not breathe anymore, right? I remember my aunt telling me that she saw the last grasp for breath of my grandmother. The word grasp is scary for me. We breathe every day, we breathe when we eat, we breathe when we study and work, we breathe all the time, we breathe even when we are sleeping. How scary is it to think of not breathing anymore? I think about those people who drown and find that their lungs get filled with water instead of air. And I become more afraid.

What if my soul could see after I die and I get to see myself as I leave my body? And then I see the people that I leave behind, crying. It cripples my heart. Although what more would I feel if I see a sign of relief from the people I love? Or perhaps it is more appropriate to think about if I can still feel at all.

How does one get ready for death? I can buy insurance plans to make sure that I have somewhere to rest my body with. I can plan for my wake and write it all down in a notebook. My Mama had done that – write everything in notebook. I have never read it. And I am not planning to because I am not ready in the slightest.

How many ways can a person die? One can die by accident, by disease, by murder, by choice. Which is the lesser evil? Which is better? Accidents are quite gory but it would be sudden. Some say you will not feel anything. Is it true? If you die by cancer, does that make you more prepared of the end? I think that is torture not only to you but to the people who love you; your friends and your family. Murder is scarier. Murder is evil. Why would you ever want someone to be gone forever? Grudge is so much to carry every day. Imagine genocide during World War II. Is murder by choice better? How could you inflict death unto yourself while you feel the life seep away of your body? I am afraid to die. Would that make suicide a brave thing to do?

 What happens after death? What happens to the legacy that you leave behind? Were you able to live your life? I hope I get to accept death. Maybe not now because I feel like I have barely lived my life.


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